There’s a reason why the hero and heroine in my debut, In the Cards, each undergo a significant journey of self-discovery before they fall in love.  Why?  Because I don’t believe you can truly love others until you know and love yourself.

But people change, you argue.  True.  Sometimes those changes bring a couple closer, sometimes they push them apart.  In either case, however, one must understand those internal shifts in perspective in order to communicate and connect with others, and to find compatible partners.  How we, as people, approach that inner journey can also make a difference.

December 9, 2014, Montlake Romance

December 9, 2014, Montlake Romance

Consider this snippet between my hero and heroine (Levi and Lindsey):

“So, Lindsey, what brings you to the West Coast? You mentioned leaving a lot of people behind. Why?”

Even if he doesn’t recall rejecting me years ago, I’m not about to admit my fiancé cheated on me.

“I need to make some changes.”

“Obviously.” He raises one brow. “Why?”

“Does it matter?”

Sitting back against a kitchen stool, he folds his arms across his chest again and watches me, waiting. Finally, he speaks.

“Yeah, it matters. You’ll make different changes if you’re searching than you will if you’re running.”

The frame of mind of a person actively seeking self-understanding during quiet times is quite different from that of someone who has come up against a dead end or crisis, especially in the context of a dynamic, living environment like that of an intimate relationship.

For me, self-reflection is something of a reflex, and the image in the mirror is not always pretty.  But at the end of the day, I know myself, my limits, and my needs.  If ever a friendship, familial relationship or marriage does fail, it won’t be because I didn’t understand the one thing within my control…myself!

Do you agree or disagree?